The Poke-No’s

Have you ever thought to yourself “I need a way to show the world that Goldeen is my favourite Pokemon, and also get rid of this pile of money I can’t be bothered burning”? My friend, L’Objet – serial makers of bonkers-ass fancy French crap – have heard you and they understand. You like Goldeen unironically and as such they refuse to mock your devotion by presenting these statuettes in the more logical – and frankly punnier – gold. Instead, they invite you to invite into your home a breeding pair of insanely expensive Silverfish – though frankly, I can think of a few rentals I’ve lived in where you could pick up a bunch for free.

Having created these costly miniature statuettes honouring Seaking’s unevolved state – while carefully ensuring they don’t infringe on the copyright of it’s creators – the good Frenchies then decided to throw a bone to those of us who, for whatever reason, can’t convince salt and pepper to stay in the packaging the store supplies them in. Perhaps, if you’re insanely well-off enough to purchase these creepy ass tributes to an overgrown Magikarp, you require the poor ingrates who serve your every whim to carry the salt direct to your door from the salt mines in their sore, unmoisturised hands.

Rest assured, each fish was lovingly gutted to make way for fresh-ground pepper and salt in white, pink and whatever other colour salt comes in now. Each of the pair was then delicately supplied with holes through which to rain seasonings over whatever tender morsel you have in mind. Where are these holes exactly? Like your daily Poke-prize, they’re a mystery gift – and likely not what you wanted.